The Mama Bubble--One Friend and the Mother Board

     Let's review.  In a nutshell, our needs are water, air, food, shelter, sleep, medical treatment, physical activity, an honest, loving relationship with our spouses, and one real friend. Necessary clothing is important, but nothing dies if you don’t have it. Everything else comes after. 

     We have many acquaintances in our lives.  Friendship is different.  Friendship requires humility and honesty.  Knowing who to trust for confirmation when you think your child has lice for the first time can be a daunting decision.  Making that leap of faith determines if you have the ability to be a trusting friend or if you will spend your children’s lives keeping your imperfections hidden from the rest of humanity.  Yes, it is terrifying to reveal our flaws and limitations to another flawed and limited person, but nothing will free you from yourself like a friend.

     As one person, I have only my life and my experiences from which to draw information, but my trusted Board of Mothers multiplies that cache to a wealth beyond limitations.

     When my kids were tiny, my mom was my main source of baby information. Not only was she an expert on diapers and nursing, but sharing my role as a mother with her expanded our relationship, bringing us even closer. However, as the kids grew, topics arose in my life where she was learning along with me. By necessity, I had to expand my boundaries in search for guidance.  Am I overreacting?  Does this situation require action or waiting it out?  Time and time again, life presents us with choices and it helps tremendously to have trusted counsel.

     My friend, Lynne called me earlier than usual one morning.

     “Okay, I know it’s early, but you have to help me decide what to do.”  She had seen another friend’s child in front of the middle school, throwing his sister’s bike into bushes just off campus.

     “Do I call?  Am I overreacting or should I tell his parents?”  For a moment we considered our friendship with his mother (would she be mad at Lynne for tattling?) and the worst-case consequences (the bike could be taken).  We decided that the call should be made because bikes are expensive. 

     The outcome was that we had a closer friend and a new, hilarious story to tell.  The boy’s father was dispatched to retrieve the bike, spotting it just as it was being driven away by landscapers.  He had to chase them down, explain in broken Spanish that the bike was his daughter’s, and set up a life lesson for his son.  Their son learned that he should get up when his alarm goes off, air up his own tires when they are low, and lock up bikes, even when they are pink with streamers.

     “Yea!” Lynne called to tell me the results of the day.  “The Board of Mothers wins this round against the evil minions!” she laughed.  And so, The Mother Board was born. 

    

     As a mother, there is nothing more terrifying than not knowing what to do about your child. Within the sacred borders of our membership we have dealt with the decision to hold a child back a grade and another child's special needs.  We have tackled children’s study habits, chore neglect, pet responsibilities, vacations, medical issues, and college choices.  We get defensive, cry, and laugh our heads off all in the same conversation and I know, no matter what the subject, if something concerns me, I have people available who will take it seriously.

     Men call it gossip or gabbing, but that is because they have different brains.  Gossip is telling someone else’s secrets to an uninvolved party for the sole purpose of elevating the position of the messenger. “Did you hear that the Smiths are having an affair?” can be translated as “I want for you to think I am better than I think I am.”  Tattling is giving negative information about someone else to their superior to get them into trouble.  This behavior is usually to thwart consequences of the tattler’s own bad behavior.

     Asking for help does not fall under either of those categories.

     The rules of being a Mother Board member are as follows:

1. Never brag about a child’s accomplishments if you have not shared his struggles
2. Give your best answer, despite the immediate negative response to it
3. Show up

      We have learned that when families travel together, it is most enjoyable for the moms to ride in one car with half the kids and the dads to ride together with the other half and that each family should have their own bathroom.  We have learned that just because we think it’s right, doesn’t mean it’s right and when someone dies, make a pot of soup and go over without calling first.  Some days, it’s enough to just get through the day.  Inside jokes should never be told outside.  Everything and nothing can be decided on a three mile walk.  Actively have faith in the people you say you trust.  Trust must be earned and is a two-way street.   Perfect or ideal is all in the perspective.  "Trusted friend" status is only a step below "soulmate" and understand that opening one's heart to share a difficult situation with another human being is the highest honor one can give.