The summer did not begin
well. On the first day of summer
vacation, my triathlete husband was hit by a car. He suffered a shattered hip, separated ribs,
sprained hands, and several deep gashes but managed to survive the surgery. His recovery was touch and go, then settled
into misery for all of us. So, after months
of struggling with a broken husband, insurance companies, a sweltering Texas
summer, and three "totally bored" kids, I talked our best friends into a week at the beach. I loaded our Excursion with
every bit of beach paraphernalia I could buy or borrow and caravaned the entire group to Gulf Shores.
As a Southern California native, I knew the
beach and setup required. I
dragged umbrellas, newly purchased beach chairs, the newest addition to Diana
Gabaldon’s Outlander series, and a wheeled cooler full of drinks and cut fruit and veggies to the water's edge. I screwed the umbrellas into their anchors and the anchors into the sand, set up the beach chairs for the adults, then plodded back up to the beach house multiple times to retrieve two inflated boats, two boogie boards, and
assorted toys. I tied the two boats
together with a 100-foot cord, then tied another 150' cord from the second boat
to the leg of my beach chair. I caught and slathered each child in sunscreen and adjusted their visors. I spent twenty minutes teaching them how to
ride the boogie boards. I demonstrated
how to pull the boats past the gentle surf to the soft rocking of the blue-green
gulf water, showing the nervous little ones that they were always attached by the cord
leading to my chair. I showed them the cooler full of ice and drinks and snacks. I pulled out a kite, threw it into the air,
and tied it to the cooler, where it danced in the breeze above our heads. My appreciative friends applauded.
"See?" I showed all of them,
"You will always know where we are because of the kite." They were ready and dashed to the water's edge. I walked over to my umbrella, adjusted my own straw cowboy hat, plopped myself down in my chair, and picked
up the novel. Ahhh. Heaven.
Having never been to the beach, the
children were all over me in five minutes.
"How do I get on the boogie board again?"
"She took my boat!"
"Mama, make a sand castle!" my
five-year-old demanded.
Ever see a woman lose her mind?
"No!" I yelled. "I have
given you everything you need, and I am sitting right here watching you. Get off of my feet. Do not touch me with your sandy
hands." I got up and made all of them stand in a line. "This…," I said, drawing a
large circle around my chair. "…is off limits. Do not enter my Mama Bubble." Noticing my best friend nodding her approval,
I proceeded to draw another circle around her towel lying a few feet away from
me. "This is another Mama Bubble. Anyone who enters the Mama Bubble gets popped! Got it?" The children giggled, not knowing if they should heed the warning of the
insane woman frantically gesturing in front of them. I re-settled into my chair, my glare daring
any of them to cross the line.
For the first time in thirteen years, I had
made a boundary. A couple of them tested
it and found themselves sitting on the steps of the beach house for fifteen minutes,
but for the rest of the week and for every beach vacation thereafter, the Mama
Bubbles remained unbroken.
This blog is about boundaries. Boundaries for you as a mother, for your
children, for your husbands, and for your extended families and friends. Only a mother's love is endless, but her
patience and good humor must be nurtured. You cannot give what you do not have.
So this is the blog I have been told to write. I cannot decide if my friends and neighbors asked for my thoughts on children affecting
marriage because they think my system works or if they just like to hear me rat
out my kids. As my marriage is still
intact and I am looking forward to spending the last decades of my life with my
husband, I assume it is the former and doing it.
I travel my life searching for the wrong
things and stumbling upon the right. I seek
and have sought the approval of the unworthy and have been honored with the
acceptance by people of great value.
One’s life is never lived according to plan without wrestling it into
place, but with flexibility, it can be beyond the wildest of expectations.
Giving birth to another person does not
require relinquishing one's soul to the child. Mothering does require that you demand the child's own soul to show
itself and be recognized. How is that
accomplished? By stepping back and
allowing it to happen.
Wow ..... so true, funny, and insightful ... I can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing advice!
ReplyDeleteYou ROCK!!! This blog is GREAT...just like YOU
ReplyDelete